Are you a nice guy? - Dr. Ari Graff, PsyD

Are you a nice guy?

Being kind and loving isn’t enough. To be truly fulfilled, you need to break free of the “nice guy” mindset and embrace your true self by learning to establish healthy boundaries, communicate your needs and pursue your passions. These are the keys to more fulfilling relationships and a more satisfying life. Take this quiz to find out how much of a nice guy you are.

1 / 10

Do you often put other people’s needs before your own, even if it means sacrificing your own well-being?

Yes, I always prioritize other people’s needs over my own.

Sometimes, but only if it’s really important.

No, I always take care of myself first.

2 / 10

Do you have trouble saying “no” to people, even when you really want to?

Yes, I always say "yes" even if it means overcommitting myself.

Sometimes, but I’m learning to set boundaries.

No, I have no problem saying "no" when I need to.

3 / 10

Do you feel like you’re always trying to please others in order to gain their approval or affection?

Yes, I always try to please others to make them like me.

Sometimes, but I’m working on valuing myself more.

No, I don’t care about gaining approval from others.

4 / 10

Do you avoid confrontation or difficult conversations because you’re afraid of upsetting others?

Yes, I always avoid confrontation because I don’t want to upset anyone.

Sometimes, but I’m learning to communicate my needs more effectively.

No, I’m not afraid of confrontation and I’m willing to have difficult conversations.

5 / 10

Do you often feel resentful towards others for not appreciating your efforts or for taking advantage of you?

Yes, I often feel resentful because I feel like people don’t appreciate me.

Sometimes, but I’m learning to communicate my feelings and set boundaries.

No, I don’t feel resentful towards others.

6 / 10

Do you have trouble expressing your own needs and desires in relationships, and instead prioritize your partner’s needs above your own?

Yes, I always prioritize my partner’s needs above my own.

Sometimes, but I’m working on expressing myself more authentically.

No, I always express my own needs and desires in relationships.

7 / 10

Do you struggle with feelings of guilt or shame when you put yourself first or do something for your own enjoyment?

Yes, I always feel guilty when I do something for myself.

Sometimes, but I’m learning to prioritize my own well-being.

No, I don’t feel guilty for taking care of myself or doing things I enjoy.

8 / 10

Do you feel like you’re always playing a role or putting on a mask to please others or fit in?

Yes, I always feel like I have to put on a mask to fit in.

Sometimes, but I’m learning to be more authentic.

No, I’m always myself and I don’t care if I fit in or not.

9 / 10

Do you often feel like you’re not living up to your potential or achieving your goals because you’re too busy trying to please others?

Yes, I often feel like I’m not living up to my potential.

Sometimes, but I’m working on setting goals and pursuing them.

No, I always prioritize my own goals and ambitions.

10 / 10

Do you feel like you’re always attracting the wrong kind of people or experiences in your life?

Yes, I always attract people who take advantage of me or treat me poorly.

Sometimes, but I’m learning to set boundaries and attract positive experiences.

No, I attract positive people and experiences into my life.

Nice guys believe that just being kind and loving is going to get all their needs met, but they don’t realize that the end result is the opposite. It engenders feelings of resentment and fosters unhealthy behaviors that attract negative experiences and relationships.

Identifying nice guy tendencies is the first step in gaining the tools to help you break free from these patterns and create relationships and life you deserve.

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Dr. Ari Graff, PsyD. Clinical psychologist in Chicago.

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Phone: 708-828-0970

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